More Than Stone

Have you ever experienced the fracture of a long term friendship? It is so incredibly painful. We experienced this recently.

I’ll call my friends Fred and Jane. Reconciliation and restoration of the relationship with Fred and Jane has been our goal. Initially, there was a time where there was very little contact and it was strained when we saw each other. Next, we had a few meetings to try to “hash out” the hurt. It’s been difficult and painful to say the least.

Last Sunday, there was a birthday party for a mutual friend at a local winery. My husband was the entertainment. He plays oldies and “sing along” songs at this winery often. Fred and Jane were going to be at the party as well. We wondered what that would be like. Would it be awkward? Painful? How do we hang out and have fun, when there is still “this thing” between us? For the first few minutes, it was a bit awkward. Then I asked them to join us at our table. After a bit, Fred went up and sang a few songs with husband, just like old times. Before long, we were all laughing and having a great time.

I think I’m coming to realize something. Talking through hurt is important; we certainly can’t just shove things under the rug. However, I think that sometimes, we just need to hang out and be reminded of why we loved this person in the first place.

That word brings up a variety of societal characterizations. Peppy, silly, brainless. Or perhaps snotty, snobby, bitchy. For my youngest (and eldest, in fact), competitive cheerleading has been their sport of choice. We’re not talking about jumping around clapping your hands. This stuff is athleticism at it’s finest.

At any rate, my youngest has not cheered for over a year due to her diagnosis of epilepsy. She’s not wanted to, either. Fear has had her by the throat. Today, she’s trying out for her High School squad. I feel like vomiting. It’s only a sport, but I want this so bad for her. I think it’s one of the ways she will conquer her fear….

If you don’t think cheerleading is a sport…check this out. THIS is cheerleading.

I happened upon a blog today. (HT to Bit of Smoke) In my daily meandering of the blogosphere, I happen upon quite a lot of blogs. This particular blog, however, caused my heart to skip a beat and tears to come to my eyes.

“I am a 36 year old mother of three children. I am also a widow. My husband died in an accident in June 2005. I never expected to do life this way, with this identity, with this element of struggle.”

“For the first three and a half decades of my life I think I had this “connect the dots” theology about my life and God’s plan for my life. In other words, I thought God had this grand “connect the dots” plan for my life and all I had to do was make sure I understood where the next dot was.

Fast forward to today….after 15 months worth of thinking, analyzing, searching….I no longer believe in a “connect the dots” theology. I look at Scriptures and find very few passages that talk about a specific plan for each of us…a connect the dot picture….the majority of references that talk about a “plan” are pointing out the uselessness of man and his plans.”

“Going from “we” to “me”…”

“That conversation also draws me back to my questions about “God’s plan”….I just don’t know what I really believe or what is really true….it isn’t something that paralyzes my faith or causes me to doubt God….rather, it reinforces the notion that God is God and I am not….I will never completely understand His ways…but I have experienced His love, comfort and peace….I guess that’s enough for now….”

“Every once in a while I have an opportunity to see “meaning” develop from the “madness” of my life. I have this need (and I am not sure if it is always a good thing) for the tragedy that I have experienced to have some “meaning”…to be able to see God use it to achieve His purposes.”

“In the past 2-3 days the following has been said to me by different people:

**I hear you are being spontaneous…and playing practical jokes again….it is good to hear that.

**I hope and pray your heart is healing. (and I believe it is)

**I don’t know when I have seen your kids laugh so much as when blah, blah, blah happened the other day…

Random comments….from random people….I think we are going to make it.”

“I miss being married….I miss Brian….I wish he were here to see the kids growing and developing….and to help me with all the “stuff” that goes with being a parent.”

“I think I have made my faith far too complex…I haven’t lost my faith…I just am not sure how to use my faith anymore…..without questioning myself too much….without wondering if I will be wrong again……”

“I was talking to someone today at church and she mentioned how rampant the view of “we get what we deserve” from God is in her sphere of influence. It, of course, made me wonder what those type of people thought I had done to deserve to lose my husband at 35.”

“In many, many ways my faith has been strengthened over the last year and a half. Yet, in some ways, there are parts of my faith that seem more uncertain than ever before.”

“I know I can’t hold on to your memory at the expense of rebuilding our lives….and so I am trying to let go of what I need to let go of in order to reach forward for the life God is calling me to live…it isn’t easy and at times it even seems disloyal….to think of life being great without you in it….but…”

“I’m alone with my grief now. The crowds have gone home. No one is watching. I can let my emotional guard down and not worry if someone is going to notice.”

“I don’t understand God’s goodness….it comes unexpectedly….”

“It doesn’t mean that I like it….it doesn’t mean that I don’t still have questions in the back of mind….it just means that I have resigned myself to believe that I will never understand….

I think, for me, that is progress….and a little bit of healing…..and for that I am grateful.”

If you have had loss in your life, if you’ve wondered why God has allowed the loss, if you’ve experienced loss that transformed your faith, brew a cup of tea and read this woman’s honest, heart wrenching journey through grief. Thank you, Shelly, for sharing your journey.

HT to Max for this article.

For those of you following all the goings on in the Anglican Communion, a fascinating speech given by BISHOP MUSONDA TREVOR SELWYN MWAMBA of Botswana. If you have some time, hop over and read it. It’s a different view from Africa than the one that I have heard touted the most. If you are unfamiliar with the split in the Anglican Communion, at the most basic level, it’s about homosexuality. Some churches in the US (and elsewhere in the West) have split from ECUSA and joined AMIA. (And if you ARE unfamiliar with this schism, where HAVE you been?)

One thing I have wondered during this whole thing, is how does power and $$ play into this? AMIA now has 109 affiliates with over 70 other groups in various stages of formation. How much $$ is now being directed to the provinces in Rwanda and Southeast Asia? Does this $$ play into the schism? Read a quote from Bishop Mwamba….

“The other factor influencing the voices from Africa is numbers and the almighty dollar!

These factors can be seen to influence – and at times bring pressure to bear, or even manipulate the situation. Where does ‘power’ lie in the present debate? The provinces in Nigeria have collectively the largest number of Anglican members in the world – more than the Church of England and ECUSA combined! America has long been generous in its hospitality and support for African church projects and its leaders, however, in the current situation, the almighty dollar has been used to strengthen the voice and position of some African bishops who have been invited to the States and given generous incentives. Very tempting indeed for a bishop from a poor African diocese to be feted and offered funds by his American hosts, if he endorses the party line!

One of the things that amazes me in this whole debate is the manner in which lobbying, very peculiar to America, has been used to influence opinion, decisions, and relationships, which results in the creation of a culture of ‘them’ and ‘us’, ‘in’ and ‘out’, and never shall the twain meet. The success of this lobyying has been assisted mainly by the dissemination of information on the internet.”

I am not implying that the Bishops that support the separation of US churches from ECUSA do not have strong beliefs and convictions. I am saying, however, that money has a great potential to corrupt and confuse issues.

Another quote from the Bishop.

” One is reminded of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, the King sitting as a judge orders the jury to consider their verdict even before the trial has began. And the Rabbit hastily interrupts, “Not yet, not yet! There is a great deal to come before that!”

Yes, there is a great deal to come from the listening process and so we all need patience the solution will not come today or tomorrow but most likely within the next 20 years or God’s time because God who was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, is also here today working for reconciliation in the Anglican Communion as we embrace different views of our faith. Reconciliation is the answer.”

Reconciliation is the answer. Hmmm. I think that perhaps this is a theme that continues to pop up. Isn’t this what God is about? Reconciling us to Him and to each other.

NOTE: I am adding this addendum to this post. I found a quote by Archbishop Kolini. (see AMIA.)

Quoting the Bible, Kolini said that Christians should always keep their bodies pure since the body is God’s temple. He said that yielding to acts of homosexuality is tantamount to committing genocide.

“In Rwanda we are spearheading the ‘Never Again’ notion. We had physical genocide and we can’t afford having another moral genocide,” he emphasized

Wow. This is so sad. Another genocide? This type of inflammatory rhetoric should NOT be allowed.

Technorati Tags: Anglican, AMIA, Africa, Kolini, Yong, homosexuality

Craig Ferguson, a late night TV host, made an absolutely brilliant statement. Probably one of the best statements I’ve heard recently, and as far as I know, he’s not a Jesus follower. He was doing a bit on Pat Robertson’s recent prediction of mass killings at the end of 2007.

Ferguson said,

“I think what happens is that some of these televangelists, they prey on the good-will of the congregation… People flock to these preachers, cause they want someone to tell them everything is gonna be all right. But here’s my thing, you can’t have certainty and faith. You can’t. You can’t have them at the same time. If you have faith, you don’t need certainty. If you have certainty, you don’t need faith. They can’t coexist. It doesn’t make sense. You can’t be hungry and full. You can’t be drunk and sober. You can’t be fat and thin. It doesn’t make any sense.”

This is an absolutely fascinating statement. If we have faith, we do so many of us flock to those public figures that predict the future through “prophecy” or promise the “best life now” or promise healing. Where is the faith in that? Are we not simply running off to soothe sayers? What is the difference, other than some use the name of Jesus and others don’t?

It reminds me of Job’s story, in some ways. It all came crashing down on poor Job. When I think I’m having a bad day, I just think of Job…puts things in perspective. Job lost his house, his children, his wealth, and then to make a bad day worse, his wife tells him “Why don’t you just curse God and die.” My husband loves when I say that to him.

So, there Job is, when his friends show up. The see how absolutely miserable he is. Scripture says that he looked so bad, they hardly recognized him. His friends sat with him for 7 days, mourning with him. But 7 days of mourning was about all they could handle. I think that we are not much different. We can only stand someone else’s grief for so long before we have to jump in and “fix it”. But that’s a story for another day….

His friend Eliphaz (I’ll call him Eli) jumps in and says, “Hey, Job, do you mind if I jump in here?” From there, Eli goes on to tell Job that the innocent prosper and the wicked get what they deserve. Hmmm…what was Eli implying?

Then old Bildad (Bill for short) weighs in. He suggests that perhaps Job’s children deserved to die for their sins and that if Job would simply repent, then certainly God would restore him.

As if this isn’t enough, then Zophar (Zoe for short) jumps in. He proceeds to tell Job that he is a mocker and a babbler and that he got LESS than he deserved from God as punishment.

Round and round it goes….for chapter after chapter. Eli, Bill and Zoe accuse and condemn Job (apparently, these guys have never heard of a fair fight). Job doesn’t fear God, Job is wicked, Job is clearly not listening to God. Of course, Job spends much time attempting to vindicate himself before his 3 “friends”. However, at some point the convo stops, because his 3 friends were disgusted with Job, as he was “righteous in his own eyes.” Then, to Job’s delight I’m sure, another friend swings by Job’s pad. I’ll call him Eli Jr. (no relation to the older Eli). Junior is already in a right state by the time he speaks. He was ticked with Job for justifying himself. He was ticked with the older 3 men, because they were unsuccessful at proving Job wrong. Junior takes 5 chapters and just lets Job have it.

And then…..drum roll….blowing of the shofar…..

Jehovah shows up.

I just love God. He has a fabulous sense of humor. So, God shows up and speaks to Job out of the storm. Even this is a clever little play on words. I think when God shows up, He must show up in the midst of a tempest, but Job was experiencing quite a tempest of his own. So God tells Job …
“Ok, Mister Man…get ready for me. I will now ask the questions, and YOU can answer.” God proceeds to ask Job questions like “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the world? Can you create lightening so that it says to you ‘Here I am?” Stuff like this. I’m thinking Job was feeling a bit humble. About halfway through God’s tirade, Job breaks in and says “Ok, Ok, You are right, God, I’ll shut up”. But God isn’t done with Job, yet. God continues to question Job with more humbling questions. One of my favorite questions that God asks is “Will you play with the leviathan like a bird, or put him on a leash for your girls?”. That’s funny. I don’t care what you say.

So, as the story wraps up, Job repents. He admits that he had no business questioning God or His purposes. Then, here comes the beautiful part, God totally OWNED Job’s friends. He tells them “that you have not spoken rightly of Me and that Job has. IF Job will pray for you, I will accept Job’s prayer and not deal accordingly with you.” BURN. I bet that Job’s friends were glad that Job was not the vindictive type. Job DID pray for his friends and God accepted Job’s prayers.

So, if you’re still with me, you may be wondering, “What the heck does this have to do with Pat Robertson and Craig Ferguson?” Well maybe, not much. However, I think it speaks to this need for us to have all the answers. Pray and God will heal. Be holy and God will bless you. Seek God and He will tell you the future so you can prepare.

God is not a gumball machine. We can’t stick in a quarter (the right action) and expect a gumball (the thing we want) to pop out. God is God. Who are we to question?

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Technorati Tags: Pat Robertson, prediction, Craig Ferguson, Job, prophecy, healing, prophetic, Joel Osteen,

Both John Smulo and Phil Wyman have posted on spiritual warfare. Phil has several other posts on spiritual warfare here, here, and here. I find this topic fascinating.

I was at a friends house yesterday. I picked up a little magazine and began to leaf through it. It was a magazine put out by Derek Prince Ministries. The article was about healing. I don’t need to go into it, but the bottom line was that we are sick because we do not believe and we do not ask for healing. I have always met these types of statements with skepticism. However, after dealing with a child with a chronic health problems this past year, I now believe these types of beliefs are not only deceptive, but hurtful and dangerous.

Generational curses, demonic harassment, strongholds, unforgiveness, and sin are a few of the “reasons” given for sickness by those who hold this belief. If we battle against these things, does that mean we don’t get sick? If so, why do we all die? What do you think of healing and spiritual warfare? Why did Jesus give us so many examples of healing during His ministry and what does this mean for us, as believers?

Technorati Tags: spiritual warfare, epilepsy, healing

This just continues to plague me. I ran across a post today entitled “I still don’t get church”. The questions and concerns that Ruth posted in this blog seemed sincere and heartfelt. Many of the comments seemed trite, however. When one has been hurt by the church, or one feels like an outsider, there aren’t easy answers. Grief takes time to heal. Trust takes time to build or re-build. What are we, the church, doing that is hurting so many people? How do we stop this? Maybe if we quit using words like “the elect” or “saints” to describe our selves, we won’t look down so much on others. I don’t know. I think we need to seriously reconsider our paradigms.

The phrase “Be in the world, but not of it” comes to mind. When we say this, what do we think it means? Do we think it means “Bless their hearts, look at those sinners, but let’s make sure we don’t get too close, because they might contaminate us”? Have we gotten so consumed with our pursuit of a personal “holiness”, that we have mistaken that for the true Gospel?

A quote from gotquestions.org:

What believers *should* do is to be set apart from the world. This is the meaning of being holy and living a holy, righteous life–to be set apart. We are not to engage in the sinful activities the world promotes, nor are we to retain the insipid, corrupt mind that the world creates. Rather, we are to conform ourselves, and our minds, to that of Jesus Christ (Romans 12:1-2). This is a daily activity; a daily commitment. We can enjoy the things of the world, but we are not to immerse ourselves in the world.

So, that’s it? Enjoy the pleasures of the world, but make sure we don’t act like “those people”? Who exactly are “those people”?

Maybe “those people” … are us.

Stained Glass Masquerade
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
By: Casting Crowns

Technorati Tags: church, religion, healing, casting+crowns,

Moved Mountains

Just found this blog and he poses an interesting question about Church, why people are leaving and how it may/may not be hurting people. Check it out.

Technorati Tags: emerging, church, institutional+church

Official Home of the Free Hugs Campaign - Inspired by Juan Mann

This is an inpsiring story. If you go to YouTube and look up “free hugs”, this seems to have inspired a movement of sorts. Hugs, that’s all. What does this say to the church?

Technorati Tags: free+hugs+campaign

That’s the question I find myself (and many other people) struggling with. My husband resigned as a worship leader/pastor from a local body about a year and a half ago. One Sunday, shortly after that, people started showing up at our house on Sunday mornings for worship. We didn’t invite them; they just came. Before long, we had about 50 people meeting in our house for worship, teaching, fellowship and eating, every Sunday morning. I thought, “Wow, this is it! Church!” I was so very excited. Some months passed and the fellowship was sweet.

However, just recently, the whole thing blew up. It’s a long story, but it seems that there were people in our fellowship that did not like what they saw in our home. It wasn’t pornography, drugs, or extra-marital affairs. It was decisions we made with our children (18, 16 and 14 years old). We tend to be very open with our children. We also tend to give them more freedom then perhaps a typical conservative evangelical would. (I hate even typing that, because I don’t want to sound like I’m stereotyping). We talk and talk, pray, Pray, PRAY, and then, at the end of the day, we trust our kids unless they have given us reason not to.

To sum it up, we were told that my husband wasn’t “leadership” material by 2 or 3 of the families that were coming. Not that we ever asked to be leaders….cripes!…we didn’t even invite these people to our home. So, to sum it up, we have stopped meeting. These people that said these things have quit calling, quit coming, quit being in fellowship with us, in most every way.

Church, what is it and how do we do it? I thought we had it, but now I’m not sure we did. If we had, the whole thing would not have blown up so easily. Perhaps if we (and I include myself here), were too busy reaching out to feed the hungry, care for widows and bring justice to the oppressed, we wouldn’t have as much time to find fault with each other.

I’m reminded of an old song by Susan Ashton.

Beyond Justice To Mercy

I know we don’t see eye to eye
We let angry hearts flare, and the bitter words fly
The common ground we used to share
Is harder to find but I believe that it’s still there

I don’t know if now is the time
To surrender the silence between your heart and mine,
But the love that I’ve chosen, cries out to be spoken
Leaving the heartache behind

We must reach out beyond justice to mercy
Going more than halfway to forgive
And tho’ the distance seems so far
The love that used to hold our hearts
Longs to take us
Beyond Justice to Mercy

It doesn’t matter who’s to blame
Oh, the love that I have for you is still the same
A tender voice is calling me
To a place of compassion, where hearts are pure and free
Where the hunger for vengeance, gives way to repentance
Where love can teach us to see…

We can reach out beyond justice to mercy…

Technorati Tags: mercy, healing, church