More Than Stone

I recently heard someone recount the story of the loss of their brother-in-law in the Iraq war. He said that for months the story of Lazarus plagued him. He continuously asked the question, “What does redemption look like when Jesus doesn’t show up and raise my brother from the dead?” Indeed. What does redemption look like when the dead are not raised? Or the house is foreclosed on? Or the cancer isn’t healed? Or the job never comes? Is it as simple as “we do not have, because we do not ask” or is there more to the story?

Since the fall, mankind usually does one of two things when confronted with something unpleasant. We hide or we blame. We cover the unpleasantness with fig leaves or we point the finger at something or someone. When Job’s entire life was destroyed, his friends spent chapter after chapter trying to appoint blame. When things don’t go well for us, as believers, we like to think we can find a reason so that we can zip it up in a nice, neat, explainable package. Well guess what, friends and neighbors? I don’t find that there are answers for everything…I think God is bigger than my explanations and excuses.

Consider the story of Job again. So, there is this guy named Job. He is righteous. He follows the law. God calls Job blameless and upright. So what does God do? He makes a bet with Satan and tells Satan to “do whatever you want to him, just don’t physically harm him.” This is what Job gets after being devoted to God? No matter how often I read the story, I don’t get this. Why would God do this? I have no idea. I can’t find an easy answer to this. We tend to gloss over this part of the story, by focusing on the fact that God restored Job by giving him a new family and more wealth than before. That’s great, but as a mother, having a new family would not replace the old one.

The story of Job doesn’t completely make sense to me. But neither does much of what I see in the world. Why do babies starve to death every day in Africa? Why do wonderful families face tragic events? Why do children lose fathers? On and on I could go with the questions. Furthermore, I don’t have the answers. I don’t know why these things happen, other than that we live in a fallen world and God is not done working towards the new creation.

So, with that said, “What does redemption look like when Jesus doesn’t show up and raise the dead”? In my mind, redemption is when God does not abandon the sufferer. Redemption occurs when our friends face our suffering with us, without hiding or blaming. Redemption occurs when we recognize that God is sovereignly ruling the universe, despite the injustice, sickness and violence that we live amidst.

When will we stop reading Scripture …

As “an owners manual” for life.
As a book that justifies our own hatred.
As a book that justifies our own righteousness.
As a book that justifies our own cultural milieu.
As a list of rules that everyone else is breaking.
As a book full of little bite sized “truth nuggets”.
As “Jesus’ Guide to Good Morality”.

When will we begin reading Scripture…

Without looking for 3 points and finding appropriate alliterations, because the story itself just isn’t enough?
As a story versus a list of logical, systematic categorizations?
With our eye on where God is taking this whole thing-namely A New Creation.
As the tale of God’s broken, fallible followers.
As a five part play, in which act 5 is not yet written.
As a beautiful, sweeping narrative of God’s actions in the world.

Ok, so I have 3 people that check my blog and it has summarily inspired me to post something witty and clever. Unfortunately, I don’t have anything. An update will have to suffice. I am currently going back to school for nursing and am having to retake all my sciences since it has been longer than 5 years since I was last in college. “5 years!”, you say, “How could that be? You couldn’t be a day over 25”. Ahh, my friends, alas, I am a bit over 25.

As I age, (ever so gracefully), the aforementioned sciences are kicking my young looking behind. Frankly, if I were to make a solution containing 33.6 g KCl with a total volume of 250 mL, I don’t care what the molarity of the solution is. Perhaps you do. If you find that question intriguing, maybe you’d like to take my final for me. My email contact info is below. Amidst my sciences, I am also taking a survey of the Old Testament and wish I had more brain power to dedicate to this class, as I’m really enjoying it. In the meantime, I’d like to leave you with perhaps the most blasphemous lament in the Scriptures. I find the honest humanity of Jeremiah in this text absolutely intriguing.

A brief history: Israel had already been crushed. Judah was on the way out with the Babylonian storm clouds right over the horizon. Yahweh has demanded that Jeremiah speak truth to Judah, who has her head in the sand. Now his friends want to kill him for raining on their parade. So, Jeremiah, takes Yahweh to task. Amidst his railing against God, Jeremiah praises God, then promptly wonders why God didn’t just kill Jeremiah in the womb. I love the raw nature of this lament.

Jer 20:7 O LORD, you have deceived me, and I was deceived; you are stronger than I, and you have prevailed. I have become a laughingstock all the day; everyone mocks me.
Jer 20:8 For whenever I speak, I cry out, I shout, “Violence and destruction!” For the word of the LORD has become for me a reproach and derision all day long.
Jer 20:9 If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.
Jer 20:10 For I hear many whispering. Terror is on every side! “Denounce him! Let us denounce him!” say all my close friends, watching for my fall. “Perhaps he will be deceived; then we can overcome him and take our revenge on him.”
Jer 20:11 But the LORD is with me as a dread warrior; therefore my persecutors will stumble; they will not overcome me. They will be greatly shamed, for they will not succeed. Their eternal dishonor will never be forgotten.
Jer 20:12 O LORD of hosts, who tests the righteous, who sees the heart and the mind, let me see your vengeance upon them, for to you have I committed my cause.
Jer 20:13 Sing to the LORD; praise the LORD! For he has delivered the life of the needy from the hand of evildoers.
Jer 20:14 Cursed be the day on which I was born! The day when my mother bore me, let it not be blessed!
Jer 20:15 Cursed be the man who brought the news to my father, “A son is born to you,” making him very glad.
Jer 20:16 Let that man be like the cities that the LORD overthrew without pity; let him hear a cry in the morning and an alarm at noon,
Jer 20:17 because he did not kill me in the womb; so my mother would have been my grave, and her womb forever great.
Jer 20:18 Why did I come out from the womb to see toil and sorrow, and spend my days in shame?

Many in the blogosphere are recapping 2006. Hot news stories, best posts, best blogs. Hmmm…what would my recap of 2006 entail? Biggest news stories? No, many people have that covered. Best blogs? Ditto. Best blog post? I don’t have enough to choose a “best of”.

2006 has probably been one of the most difficult years and probably one of the most exciting. So, in honor of kissing 2006 goodbye, here are the Top Ten Things I’ve (re)Learned in order (kind of)….

In His Big Grip » Blog Archive » Salvation From What?

John Turner has started an interesting discussion on his blog about salvation. Should be interesting to see the discussion.

Technorati Tags: salvation, god, theology

That’s the question I find myself (and many other people) struggling with. My husband resigned as a worship leader/pastor from a local body about a year and a half ago. One Sunday, shortly after that, people started showing up at our house on Sunday mornings for worship. We didn’t invite them; they just came. Before long, we had about 50 people meeting in our house for worship, teaching, fellowship and eating, every Sunday morning. I thought, “Wow, this is it! Church!” I was so very excited. Some months passed and the fellowship was sweet.

However, just recently, the whole thing blew up. It’s a long story, but it seems that there were people in our fellowship that did not like what they saw in our home. It wasn’t pornography, drugs, or extra-marital affairs. It was decisions we made with our children (18, 16 and 14 years old). We tend to be very open with our children. We also tend to give them more freedom then perhaps a typical conservative evangelical would. (I hate even typing that, because I don’t want to sound like I’m stereotyping). We talk and talk, pray, Pray, PRAY, and then, at the end of the day, we trust our kids unless they have given us reason not to.

To sum it up, we were told that my husband wasn’t “leadership” material by 2 or 3 of the families that were coming. Not that we ever asked to be leaders….cripes!…we didn’t even invite these people to our home. So, to sum it up, we have stopped meeting. These people that said these things have quit calling, quit coming, quit being in fellowship with us, in most every way.

Church, what is it and how do we do it? I thought we had it, but now I’m not sure we did. If we had, the whole thing would not have blown up so easily. Perhaps if we (and I include myself here), were too busy reaching out to feed the hungry, care for widows and bring justice to the oppressed, we wouldn’t have as much time to find fault with each other.

I’m reminded of an old song by Susan Ashton.

Beyond Justice To Mercy

I know we don’t see eye to eye
We let angry hearts flare, and the bitter words fly
The common ground we used to share
Is harder to find but I believe that it’s still there

I don’t know if now is the time
To surrender the silence between your heart and mine,
But the love that I’ve chosen, cries out to be spoken
Leaving the heartache behind

We must reach out beyond justice to mercy
Going more than halfway to forgive
And tho’ the distance seems so far
The love that used to hold our hearts
Longs to take us
Beyond Justice to Mercy

It doesn’t matter who’s to blame
Oh, the love that I have for you is still the same
A tender voice is calling me
To a place of compassion, where hearts are pure and free
Where the hunger for vengeance, gives way to repentance
Where love can teach us to see…

We can reach out beyond justice to mercy…

Technorati Tags: mercy, healing, church

I just discovered John Smulo’s blog. He has a great article entitled I Dream.

1. I dream of a church where Jesus-followers hold firm to the essentials of the Christian faith, but charitably disagree on non-essential matters.
2. I dream of a church that practices forgiveness.
3. I dream of a church that is free of gossip and slander.
4. I dream of a church that is generous with grace, truth, mercy, patience, kindness, and love.
5. I dream of a church that seeks first the Kingdom of God.
6. I dream of a church where pastors are first and foremost equippers of the saints.
7. I dream of a church where “missional” isn’t a buzz word, but a gospel mandate.
8. I dream of a church that is passionate about social justice.
9. I dream of a church that has a global perspective.
10. I dream of a church where people are growing in their understanding of God’s Word.
11. I dream of a church where people understand that knowledge of Scripture isn’t an end in itself, but a means to know God, love God, follow God, and love our neighbor as ourself.
12. I dream of a church that is gracious towards outsiders.
13. I dream of a church where people can be themselves, in all of their sin, brokenness, successes, and failures.
14. I dream of a church where No Perfect People Are Allowed.
15. I dream of a church where no one can go to, because everyone understands the church is the people not a place.
16. I dream of a church where people aren’t hidden from the community in a building during all of their free time.
17. I dream of a church where people realize that the someone else who should be doing “x” just may well be “I”.
18. I dream of a church where evangelism means being yourself.
19. I dream of a church where people know what they believe and why.
20. I dream of a church that practices Missional Apologetics.
21. I dream of a church where people are partners in the gospel, not members in a club.
22. I dream of a church that gathers in Third Places.
23. I dream of a church that serves and blesses its community.

I would only add that I dream of a church that throws birthday parties for prostitutes at 3:30 in the morning.

Thanks, John, for encouraging us to dream!
Technorati Tags: church, missional, emergent, faith

In a recent Newsweek article, Billy Graham was interviewed.

“As time went on, I began to realize the love of God for everybody, all over the world,” he says. “And in his death on the cross, some mysterious thing happened between God and the Son that we don’t understand. But there he was, alone, taking on the sins of the world.”

Wow. This is going to tick some people off, isn’t it? Another well known evangelical purporting that he doesn’t know everything there is to know about the mysteries of God.

rob+bell billy+graham newsweek

Lean into the pain. It cannot be outrun. You can’t get around it, over it, under it; you must go through it and feel the full force of it. That is the human experience.

Jesus never promised heaven on earth. In fact, He said that we will have afflictions and tribulations. As the mother of a child recently diagnosed with epilepsy, I’ve been disheartened by some of the responses I have had from my Christian friends.

“God will teach her things through this.”
“He is still on the throne.”
“It could be worse.”

All of these things are true. God will teach her things. He is still on the throne. It could be worse. But none of that is helpful to hear when I need someone to vent to. Epilepsy has changed our lives. We must find a new “normal”. I grieve over her lost health. I worry that she may have to deal with this the rest of her life. I am anxious about the effects of the many medicines she is on…how will it affect her learning? I am fearful that she will get hurt when she has a seizure. I question if we will get her seizures under control. I could go on and on… and I need to. I need a safe place to process these emotions. Being sad does not mean that I do not know the truth. Being sad does not mean that I do not trust God. Being sad does not imply that I’m not Godly enough or that I don’t have faith.

The bible says that God is close to the broken hearted. Jesus wept when Lazarus died. So many came to Jesus to be healed. I never remember reading that Jesus gave them the “what for” or placated them with a trivial adage. He healed them. He touched them and then he healed them. The Greek for healed is therapeuo. I need a little therapeuo in my life. A touch and some healing. For me, that means a listening ear. Someone to be witness to my grieving and my fear.

I recently explained to my husband my feelings. The story I came up with was the following:

I’m driving down the road. I’m at peace with God. The radio is on and I’m humming along. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a truck appears. It’s not a semi, but it’s a big, heavy pick up. I have no time to react. The collision just happens. It spins the vehicle around. Everything in the car is flying around, uncontrolled. The car comes to a stop. I’m injured, bruised and bleeding. I’m still not sure what has happened. “Where did that truck come from? Where’s all my stuff? Is that blood on my shirt?” I’m hoping that an ambulance is on the way. Then, someone appears. “Thank God,” I think, “help is here”. That person, my helper, says to me, “Get out of the car. The accident is over. God is on the throne. It could be worse…you could be dead. Besides, I bet you’ll learn better driving skills from this.”

I’m not even out of the car. My wounds haven’t been stitched. No one has even touched me yet. I still need therapeuo.

Lean into the pain. It cannot be outrun. You can’t get around it, over it, under it; you must go through it and feel the full force of it. That is the human experience. That too, is what Jesus comforts us through. That is, as followers of Christ, what we need to do. Walk with those in pain. Don’t rush it. Don’t give it an adage or quick fix. There isn’t one. We still live in a fallen world. We are still under attack by an enemy we can’t see. There will still be battle wounds. Yes, we are His. Yes, He is on the throne. Yes, one day the lion will walk with the lamb, but in the meantime…

epilepsy faith fear healing hope

Today, I sent my baby to high school. Under normal circumstances, this would be an emotional time. Under current circumstances, I’m a freaking nervous wreck.

On March 23rd, 2006 I received a phone call. It was the school nurse at the middle school.

“Jamie? Hello, this is Norma from XXX middle school. She’s ok, but Becca has had a seizure.”
“WHAT? What do you mean? Is she ok?”
“Yes, she’s fine. Has she ever had a seizure before?”
(COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT BY NOW) “NO! Oh my God! What happened?”
“Well, we’ve called 911 and we will meet you at the hospital.”

Within the following week, Becca had another grand mal seizure, an EEG, another ER visit and an appointment with a neurologist. She was diagnosed with epilepsy. Epilepsy…a term I am familiar with. I remember that there was a girl I went to school with that had epilepsy. I remember seeing her have a seizure. However, I didn’t know epilepsy until now. Now I know it….and I hate it. It’s amazing how little we think of negative things until they happen to one of ours.

This disease has turned me into an absolute nervous freak. Every thump I hear scares me…”is that Becca having a seizure?” When it’s quiet, I’m scared…”is Becca having a seizure?” What if she has a seizure when I’m not around? What is the new normal? Do I let her spend the night at a friend’s house? Do I let her go the movies with her friends? What if she has a seizure while she’s walking down the stairs? What if she’s out in public, has a seizure…I’m not there…and people try to do stupid things like shove something in her mouth to “keep her from swallowing her tongue”?

How do I, as her mother, teach her to be cautious without scaring her? Encourage her to take precautions without turning her into an invalid? “Becca honey, no baths anymore. Only showers. It’s safer.” (remember…she’s freshman in high school). My eldest daughter comes home to find her in the bathtub –ALONE! (as most people bathe). A dear friend of ours lost his sister when she seized in the tub. She drowned. “Becca…I told you, no baths! Honey, you could drown if you had a seizure.” At this, she cries. “Mom, I’m so scared.” Could someone tell me the line between caution and fear?

“God, please protect her today. Let her have a normal day on her first day of high school. No seizures. Put your angels in front of her, beside her and around her. Keep her brain waves smooth and healthy. Protect her from the evil one. Amen”