Where is Liberty’s Chastity Belt?
Oh boy. Here it comes. Another rant. I’ve just been full of them lately. It all started like this…
I was reading Molly’s many posts on women, patriarchy, male rule, and her ongoing recovery. Molly is absolutely brilliant and I encourage you to take the time to read her well thought out posts on these matters. Then, I hopped over to another favorite blog, that spoke about an article that highlighted “Purity Balls”.
I read the article with interest, but got a little creeped out towards the end of the article,
When Lauren Wilson hit adolescence, her father gave her a purity ring and a charm necklace with a tiny lock and key. Randy Wilson took the key, which he will hand over to her husband on their wedding day.
So, dad will keep the key to her locket, until Lauren’s future husband shows up. What strikes me is that we pretend that the key from the locket is the key to Lauren’s heart. But it’s not, is it? It’s the key to her mental and emotional chastity belt. 
Please don’t misunderstand me. I have 3 daugters and my hope, desire, and prayer is that they do not have sex until they are married. But I find it a bit sick to have a dad hold this key, and then “hand it over” to her husband, as though Lauren is simply a possession to be controlled. I don’t really have a problem with a “purity ring” or a “purity pledge”, but the “purity locket” just reeks of male domination over female sexuality. We wonder why we have so many women in the church that are hung up over sex.
From a “purity locket” website:
It is important to properly set up the evening when you will present your daughter with the locket. Start by explaining the “covenant” part of the equation. Begin with, “Sue, thank you for this evening. It is one we both will always treasure. I want to commemorate this day and our covenant with this.” Then open the jewelry box and let the gold do the talking for just a moment. Then say, “This locket is handmade from precious metal - just the way God made you. This locket and what it stands for is the sentinel of your heart. (READ:vagina) Here’s why: from this day forward you will wear this locket as often as you wish. It will send the statement that you are waiting for your husband. It is more than that though, Sue. It has a lock on it. It can only be opened with this key. I will guard the key until your wedding. On that day, I will present the key to my little girl’s heart to your husband. He will take the key and open the locket, the only one ever to do so.”
Now, I want to be fair, so I will include this part of the website.
DO’s AND Don’ts
# Do let your daughter know this is not a setup process to “ostracize” her if she slips up sometime in her life.
# Do let her know how unconditional love applies from both you and God throughout her life - both now and always.
# Do let her know that all decisions have consequences and the past is irrevocable.
“We love you. Unconditionally. But remember, if you screw up, it is irrevocable.” Excuse me, but WHAT THE HELL????
As I was doing an internet search on purity lockets, I somehow came across another website that sells a line of dolls with the following vision.
The Beautiful Girlhood Collection aspires, by the grace of God, to encourage the rebuilding of a culture of virtuous womanhood. In a world that frowns on femininity, that minimizes motherhood, and that belittles the beauty of being a true woman of God, we dare to believe that the biblical vision for girlhood is a glorious vision. It is, in fact — a beautiful vision. It is a vision for purity and contentment, for faith and fortitude, for enthusiasm and industry, for heritage and home, and for joy and friendship. It is a vision so bright and so wonderful that it must be boldly proclaimed. We are here to proclaim it.
Note that purity and contentment are the first things that are listed. Way at the bottom of the list, we have joy and perhaps if you behave, your husband may let you have a friend or two. One of the dolls sold on this website is called “The Liberty Doll” —HA! 
When a girl plays with a doll, she is preparing to be a mommy someday. Her first role model is her own mother, and her first opportunity at role-playing is with her dolls. With this in mind, we are pleased to offer the Liberty doll for your girls to cherish for years to come and then pass onto a future daughter.
Again, please understand me. I am NOT opposed to motherhood! Being a mother to my 3 daughters has been one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done. I value and cherish the fact that I was able to stay home with them. In fact, we made many sacrifices so that I could be a stay at home mom. I believe that being a mother is one of the most empowering things that we do, as women. BUT–this whole idea, purity lockets, teaching girls that the most important thing is that they are pure, content and industrious at home….it’s wrong. We are missing the point. I want to teach my daughters that they are STRONG, EMPOWERED FOLLOWERS OF JESUS. That THEY can change the world. That God intends for them to play a role in the REDEMPTION of the world, and that the role goes beyond learning to stay pure and bake cookies (though purity and cookies are great concepts).
Perhaps if we taught our girls to be strong, empowered women, we wouldn’t have as much of the game playing and posturing that we find among so many women in the church. Molly has a facinating post entitled: Matthew Henry on Women. Please take the time to read the whole thing, but I want to steal a bit of it here.
Matthew Henry, on Genesis 3, states:
Though perfect in her kind, yet we may suppose her inferior to Adam in knowledge, and strength, and presence of mind…. Observe here how mercy is mixed with wrath in this sentence. The woman shall have sorrow, but it shall be in bringing forth children, and the sorrow shall be forgotten for joy that a child is born, Jn. 16:21. She shall be subject, but it shall be to her own husband that loves her, not to a stranger, or an enemy: the sentence was not a curse, to bring her to ruin, but a chastisement, to bring her to repentance.
To which, Molly states:
Repentance? See, this really confuses me, because it appears that female subjection is never taken away, so bringing her into repentance does…what? Repentance so that she might live meekly under a curse that is never lifted? I’m not sure I understand. With Fatherly discipline, one would see repentance and the discipline would be lifted. But, it would seem to these theologians (again, if I’m understanding them correctly), the punishment of Eve never ends. The best one can do is to bear it patiently with meekness, for being born female is to be born under a special sentance that the Cross could not fully atone for.
BRILLIANT. Just brilliant. A special sentence that the Cross can not fully atone for. We teach our daughters that women are under a curse that the cross did not/will not atone for.
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Woooh…to wax Southern for a moment, this is one hum-dinger of a post… !!!
Wow—a lot of great thoughts…bringing together some fuzzy things that I hadn’t fully considered before. Thank you for taking the time to write it (and for the kind words)…
Molly, you brilliant, brilliant woman…you can wax southern all you want to.
Yes, humdinger of a post. Sometimes I just cringe when I’m about to hit the “publish” button. I wonder what WILL people think? Then I think oh, who cares. And I hit the button.
Really, your posts are absolutely challenging. It is so clear that you are struggling to find truth. Thank you so much!
That was my rant about 5 years ago … women get special treatment … a curse for which the cross cannot atone. That’s just crap. Either God redeems all sin at the cross, or He redeems none of them. We don’t get to pick and choose. If men want to put women under special condemnation, they’d better watch out for the special curses they might find themselves under as well. Love this post, Jamie …
Sonja,
Preach it, girl! When I went to the Isn’t She Beautiful conference, Rob Bell spoke about women in leadership. He basically said, yes, Gen 3, women were cursed, but the story didn’t begin in Gen 3, it began in Gen 1, and we, as Christians are about setting back to rights what got screwed up.
Thanks for the encouragement.
who needs a purity locket, i find showing any prospective boyfriends my rust shears collection to be very effective… lol. Hang on a min, i have only got boys
I’m jus wondering Jamie, ol Matt Henry being from a different era and the western world changing us with some much needed critique, how are you teaching your daughters? I love your misison statement to see them changing the world so how do you empower them to do so? Forget the crap of the past let’s get down to the brass tacks of the hear and now - cos like in 6 yrs i’ll be telling my son about sex and i need all the advanced thinking time i can get
Paul, I wish I knew that I have done the right thing to empower my girls…I know that I’ve gotten caught up at times in the conservatism of the right. When I talk about sex with my girls (AND I do!) I just try to be as honest as I know how. God is not a prude. Sex is great. God isn’t this great big killjoy. However, He made these rules, such as no sex till marriage because He knows what’s best for us. Unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases yada yada. But for girls, the thing that I’ve stressed the most is that when we get sexually involved with someone, we give a piece of our heart away, that we can never get back. There’s something mystical about sex, in my opinion, and that’s why it is so fabulous and so powerful.
Since I’m not a guy, and i don’t have any boys, I don’t know how a guy feels when they have sex. I don’t know if there are always the deeper emotional ties going on. My husband tells both my girls and I that guys can leave sex to the “physical” realm, so I guess I have to believe him.
I don’t know if this is any great answer, but it’s the only thing that I’ve known to do. My girls are questioners, and I want them to be. I want them to understand that God just doesn’t set down “rules” for us for no reason. He wants Shalom for us–shalom in the jewish sense of the word-wholeness. Purity for purity’s sake, misses the point. We can be pure and completely un-whole, if you know what I mean.
Thanks Jamie, much as i love your rants I love your reflections even more… some real powerful wise words, ty!
One of the things that struck me recently was about commitment - that once we make a choice about what to commit our lives to then sex and other parts of who we are become shaped by that choice. I find it fascinating that the only way that the TV series Friends could end happily was in seeing so many of the cast in committed married relationships - that seemed to be the answer that happiness in the end = commitment.
what do you think?
Jamie, love your blog and your rant! I just discovered your blog and it feels like I have found someone who I can really relate to!
I just read through a bunch of your latest posts and I have been so blessed.
I have always been kind of “creeped out” by this purity ball thing. I agree that purity is a good thing and so is having a good relationship with one’s father but this goes way too far, imnsho. I have 6 girls (and 4 boys) and we have talked about this concept and they would be very uncomfortable with a whole event having to do with their pledge not to have sex. That is a personal thing.
I think you nailed it when you talked about objectification and male domination over female sexuality. I wonder why they do not have mom and son events? What about the son’s purity? Is this not sending a message of a double standard? Why is the daughter pledging chastity to her father? Shouldn’t this be something that a person does in privacy; just between them and God?
I think this whole thing could be used to one’s advantage in some very unhealthy relationships. It sexualizes the father/daughter relationship.
I think father/daughter events are great but not when they are centered around the daughter’s sexuality.
Where is the mother in all this talk about sex with the daughter? I don’t see her presence in any of it.
Paul–I think you’ve nailed it on the head-once we’ve committed to something -all our other choices flow out of that. I think that’s what they call a worldview, isn’t it? Unfortunately, teens don’t always have a worldview. They live so much in the moment. That is what makes it most difficult and scary to parent them.
Corrie
I’m going to take some time to read your blog! I love meeting people that I feel that I connect on some level with.
I completely agree with you..on every point-male domination, sexualizing the father/daughter relationship/unequality between the importance of male/female purity. arghhh.
How old are your kids?
Hi Jamie,
Thanks for your kind words. I actually cut and pasted the wrong post into the comment box. I wasn’t going to post that publicly, yet. I don’t have an email address for you but could you delete it for me? I am just not ready to share that yet. I am so sorry for the trouble. I got so little sleep last night and I am making a lot of really dumb mistakes today!
You got so much so right on this one. My brain hurts!! Quite a post. Thanks for ranting and raving.
Don, -thanks for the encouragment!
Jamie