I’ll take the root canal, thank you.
A conversation was started at Conversation At The Edge about women’s conferences, which was picked up at Church Rater, and continued on Emerging women. The statement was made by Rachel that she would rather have a root canal than go to a woman’s conference.
Sadly, if it’s a Christian woman’s event, I’ll take the root canal. I will do anything to avoid going to a women’s retreat or other event that is focused on large groups of women claiming to follow Jesus. It actually became a bit of a running joke at my last church. Who can get Jamie to go to a women’s retreat? (By the way, no one did).
I do not go to Christian women’s events. Why? Because they tend to be stuffy, pretentious and empty. Also, because I can’t pretend that long. AND because the phrase “Bless Your Heart” makes me want to run screaming headlong into an oncoming semi. There seems to be so much pretending and posturing. Women often talk about “men trying to prove themselves”, but women are so much worse. Only we don’t talk about how buff we are, or who has the biggest balls. We try to be the “sweetest” (on the outside), or the “most tender” (who can cry the most), or the best wife (I serve a 5 course meal every night), or the best mother (I home school all 29 of my children). We never get angry. We don’t talk about sex. Our biggest struggle is “wanting to feel closer to Jea-sus” (insert southern accent here).
The saddest part of this is that I do go to non-Christian women’s events, and like them. I enjoy being around women. I go to an annual conference that has some 300 women attending. It is a blast. We learn, we laugh and we dance. There is a group of women that I have been getting together with 2 times a year for the last 9 years. In that mix, there are Christians, pagans and atheists. We are on a board of directors for a not-for-profit organization that works in the maternal health field. We work, argue, laugh and sometimes cry together. At the end of the day, it’s real.
I’ve often wondered why I so look forward to these non-Christian conferences and meetings, yet will run the other direction when there is a church related women’s event. It’s clearly not because I don’t like being around women. The posturing and pretending are definitely a problem for me. I also feel that I don’t fit in with the stereotype of what a “Christian Woman” is supposed to look like. I’m too opinionated. My humor is too sarcastic. I’m too loud. I’m too frank.
I’m just too. Too much.
So until something changes, I’ll just be taking my frank, opinionated, loud, sarcastic self in for a root canal.
(Just so you know, I was up all night with my daughter at the ER, so my edit button isn’t functioning at it’s highest capacity)
addendum: Rachel, of the original root canal comment has furthered our discussion on her blog. It is well worth the read.
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You almost rendered me speechless with this one. Almost all I can say is DANG. I knew all this already of course but it was a joy to read about it. Love the semi comment. I would venture that there are Christian women meeting somewhere that would rival the “real” you get when with non-Christian gals. It is true, you have been scarred here in the south. I cannot tell you where these women are or if they exist. I am not a woman . . . thank you Jesus.
See what happens when I’m up all night, TA? My frank, opinionated, loud, sarcestic self just gets more so
I’m sure there are Christian women I would enjoy being around in large groups. I just haven’t found them yet.
me too!
me too!
Paul,
OH GOOD! I’m not alone, then!
This says what so many women can’t figure out how to say. There are a lot of eyeballs that roll up into the heads of women when we announce a women’s conference!!! I’ll make sure a lot of ladies get pointed to your blog. I am going to link to it in mine. thanks for taking a risk and saying what needs to get heard.
Hi, I’m the Rachel who made the original root canal comment. It really was a no-brainer. The root canal would be over a lot sooner and plus you get to take lots of drugs.
Morethanstone, I really relate to your statement about feeling like “too much.” In fact, my mother used to say that to me a lot when I was growing up, in an exasperated tone, “Rachel, you are too much, just too much!”
I think that is a message we get as women, and especially as Christian women - that we are too much and not enough at the same time. Too emotional, too needy, too opinionated, too demanding, we talk too much, we expect too much. And we are also not pretty enough, not thin enough, not educated and accomplished enough, not rich enough, our houses aren’t clean enough, our kids aren’t perfect enough.
The thing that was so amazing about the Convergence conference was that I spent a weekend with a bunch of church ladies and I felt like we were all just exactly enough and not at all too much.
Don,
Thanks for the encouragement. I must confess that I tremble a bit as my mouse moves toward the publish button on posts like this. My forthrightness is not always rec’d well. Thank you again for encouraging me. It really does mean a lot.
J
Rachel,
First, thanks for your honesty. Your comment is what allowed many other women (me included) to say, “YES, me too…that’s how I feel” I think you are right on. Too much and not enough. No wonder we’re all half nuts. How do you deal with that? How do you walk that impossible tightrope?
I am excited to hear that you felt that this conference was different. THAT encourages me. Perhaps we really can be set free !!!
Jamie
Talking about the concept of “enough” reminds me of the story of Mary and Martha. I love what Jesus said to Martha, “There is really only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it - and I won’t take it away from her.”
In the face of intense pressure to be the perfect hostess, Mary chose to simply sit at Jesus’ feet. And Jesus said that was enough.
well bless your heart…
i was a maintenance guy at a christian conference center for a few years and i have to say that i feel the same about womans conferences.
part of my issue was that i was/am single and these women were always trying to set me up with their daughters who were as nutty as they were.
bless their hearts
“Perhaps we really can be set free !!!”
Yes! I’ve written a few more thoughts on this topic on my blog: http://rachelstanton.wordpress.com/
Mike, Oh boy…a whole new take…being a single guy at a christian women’s conference. That HAD to be a good time.
not if your post on women and sexuality is anything to go by, lol
Paul–Now THAT’s funny!
There are those women who have a desire to be real. I mean really real in a god honoring way. In a way that help grow, encourage and heal women of past hurts etc. Recently we began to advertise a day long seminar entitled “Let’s Get REal” it wasn’t very well received. I was left with wondering if women really want to ‘get real’. After thinking about it for a while I realized that women are not going to open up and stop hiding until they feel safe, until they know the women are going to accpet them where they are. We have a long way to go…but at least I think we are headed in the right direction.