Between Caution and Fear
Today, I sent my baby to high school. Under normal circumstances, this would be an emotional time. Under current circumstances, I’m a freaking nervous wreck.
On March 23rd, 2006 I received a phone call. It was the school nurse at the middle school.
“Jamie? Hello, this is Norma from XXX middle school. She’s ok, but Becca has had a seizure.”
“WHAT? What do you mean? Is she ok?”
“Yes, she’s fine. Has she ever had a seizure before?”
(COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT BY NOW) “NO! Oh my God! What happened?”
“Well, we’ve called 911 and we will meet you at the hospital.”
Within the following week, Becca had another grand mal seizure, an EEG, another ER visit and an appointment with a neurologist. She was diagnosed with epilepsy. Epilepsy…a term I am familiar with. I remember that there was a girl I went to school with that had epilepsy. I remember seeing her have a seizure. However, I didn’t know epilepsy until now. Now I know it….and I hate it. It’s amazing how little we think of negative things until they happen to one of ours.
This disease has turned me into an absolute nervous freak. Every thump I hear scares me…”is that Becca having a seizure?” When it’s quiet, I’m scared…”is Becca having a seizure?” What if she has a seizure when I’m not around? What is the new normal? Do I let her spend the night at a friend’s house? Do I let her go the movies with her friends? What if she has a seizure while she’s walking down the stairs? What if she’s out in public, has a seizure…I’m not there…and people try to do stupid things like shove something in her mouth to “keep her from swallowing her tongue”?
How do I, as her mother, teach her to be cautious without scaring her? Encourage her to take precautions without turning her into an invalid? “Becca honey, no baths anymore. Only showers. It’s safer.” (remember…she’s freshman in high school). My eldest daughter comes home to find her in the bathtub –ALONE! (as most people bathe). A dear friend of ours lost his sister when she seized in the tub. She drowned. “Becca…I told you, no baths! Honey, you could drown if you had a seizure.” At this, she cries. “Mom, I’m so scared.” Could someone tell me the line between caution and fear?
“God, please protect her today. Let her have a normal day on her first day of high school. No seizures. Put your angels in front of her, beside her and around her. Keep her brain waves smooth and healthy. Protect her from the evil one. Amen”
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